Sleeping Child

take this sad song and make it better, better, better.

2009-06-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

to you, my love...

...and anytime you feel the pain,
Hey Jude, Refrain..
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.

What have we done? The Earth is Tainted.

2009-03-23T23:59:00.001-07:00

I am writing this in hope that people out there will gain a better understanding and love for this common place that we all live in, Earth.

I'm sure everyone have been hearing about Earth Hour. (this Saturday, 28th March, 8.30pm).
Sad to know that many of whom I've spoken about to find this act (switching off all power at precisly 8.30pm for an hour) ridiculous and unpurposeful.
Frankly, when i heard about this idea, i wondered how far this act will help conserve and save the earth.
So why are we switching off all power on the 28th for an hour?

The reason is simple. We're doing this to Respect Mother Earth.
Think about it, an hour to feel and listen to the Earth, to respect the sole place that made our existance possible. Listen, my friends, to the earth, because it is calling out in pain for us to save it. Listen, and look around you.
She has made space for us to live and exist in this world, and we have, slowly BUT surely, polluted, destroyed and taited her in many of our ways and habits of living.

And from this event of shutting off all power, it does not end at 9.30pm. It begins at 9.30pm.

Let this event be a mark and a begining to CHANGES.

Every little action that we take eventually contributes to something big, be it a big disaster or a big change in human evolution.

Choose To Change, people. It starts with you alone!

We are responsible for the many disasters that fell upon us in the past - tsunami, land slides, earthquakes, flood, war, diseases, lack of resources -and what more in the decades to come? Lack of oxygen in the air for everyone, lack of water? ten years ago, we may thought all these fiction and impossible, but the percentage and possibility of these disasters happening are now raising every second and everyday - because WE are making it happen.

Change your habits of living by stopping wastage.

*Plastic Bags - Refrain from using plastic bags by bringing your green bag when doing your groceries, or recycle the plastic bags you have at home - Chuck small items you bought into your bags, ask yourself if you really need a bag whenever you purchase an item.
Its like a chain-reaction, other shoppers who sees you going green and saying no to plastic bags will consider doing the same the next time around. It all starts with one person.

*Lunch Hour Shut-Down - i'm sure we all do it at work, we leave our desktops on in the office and go out for lunch, or we tend to leave our computers on even when we do not use it. Wasting electric power contributes to the destruction of our environment and eventually will affect us in the long run. i love that my company does this - we shut down the air-conditioner and lights everyday during lunchtime. Minimise the use of computers, try not to leave it on when you don't need to use it.

*Water Wastage - Conserve water by minimising it the best you can :)

*Rubbish - everytime you chuck something out of the window or down to the ground, think twice and look for a waste bin.
Having just visited Australia recently, i was amazed at how clean and well-preserved their country is..and how filthy Malaysia actually is compared to their country.. It all comes down to the mentality of our society, inconsiderate and selfish. We polute and then rely on the government to clean up our mess, when it should be a responsible shared by all.

And many more that you can contribute to saving the Earth. Choose to Change, or choose to destroy.

So I'm pleading with all of you, dear friends and family... Take this step. Be aware of what we are doing towards the environment, prevail peace and prevail beauty. Respect the Earth.
I truly believe that there is no greater respect a man can learn other than respect for nature and its wonders.

Let me leave you with a beautiful song/video that Michael Jackson did in the 90's. It inspired me deeply.

And above all, I will be switching off all power this 28th March 2009 @ 8.30pm, listen to the earth and dance to the rhythm of nature, all for the love of Mother Earth. Join me in this change, will you?

wear your seat belts!

2009-03-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

If you have not seen this...

Its hilarious.

"Haven't I told you before?
Next time, wear the seat belt at the back seat"

I can only think of one producer who is capable of such creativity in sending out media messages to malaysians...
Yasmin Ahmad, you're a real talent!

little Mr. bodoh

2009-03-10T08:47:00.001-07:00

I was working out at the gym and chatting with Jordan, my fitness trainer friend, when he cracked me up with a story about his friend called Jack who apparently is full of egotism... and even fuller with stupidity.

Jack met Sarah, the gym receptionist.

Jack asked Jordan to hook them up.

Jordan arranged a mamak get together and they both tried to make Sarah laugh and loosen up.

They succeeded.

Then Jack started talking about his friend, Harry, who smokes weed all day and is high most of the time.

Innocent Sarah doen't understand why people have to do drugs and smoke weed.

Jack tried to be a man and told Sarah that when people have a long day and everything goes wrong in their lives..yada yada...

Sarah put on a "okay..but thats not a good reason to do weed.." look.

Jack tried even harder by telling Sarah...

"It's like you know...when you experience an overflow during a PMS..."

.....*Sarah blinks blankly at what he just said*

Then Jack went home with Jordan.

Jack's parents came home and they were all talking about Harry again.

when Jack's mum said she don't get it, why are youngsters so depressed that they need to do drugs...

Jack the brain said..

"Ma, when you reach my age you'll understand."

**Ma and the whole family went blank for a second and started laughing**

ROFL.LOL.

He must have done weed to have imagined how a PMS overflow feels like...apparently its so bad that women need to take weed??

This little Mr. Bodoh claims to be a casanova when it comes to girls, apparently he gives his friends tips on courting girls loudly and proudly.

And he was probably smoking weed to think that people grow younger in the opposite direction... Benjamin Button ke?

Thanks Jordan..lol. it really made my day!

And yess.. I'll turn up at the gym more often now, haha.

*names have been changed to protect the "innocent"

.. although, Jack's still a good name for him...*grins* *

Ironic-lah

2009-03-04T04:48:00.000-08:00

I took this picture back sometime ago.
It shows a malay couple riding on a motorbike along Jalan Bukit Bintang, the mother carrying her infant child in a sarong.

Look how smart they are to protect their own heads with a helmet but left their baby's head bare an open.
..And what shall happen if they were to fall off their bike in an accident?
Personally & maliciously, I would love to see either one of the parent's NUMB SKULLS break.

Ironic.

on another note, this is an even more ironic picture...

it speaks for itself.

Here's my question to all you politicians..
Is it about the drive to be in power, or the drive to make this place a little better and fairer for all? Why are we afraid whether the Malays, the Chinese or the Indians will have more power over the other races, when we should all be worrying about the children of the nation, the homeless and jobless. If are deemed racists among ourselves, what makes us think we can run a multi-racial country?

You know what's even more ironic?
Seeing all these Bandaraya Authorities at the pasar malam, walking about sweeping off all the pirated dvd vendors from the streets while they close a blind-eye as they walk by all the handicapped children who has lost their legs and arms, begging on the streets.

I am actually suprised why so far no one has ever thought about this or took any actions. Anyone who has a brain would have known that these children did not just lost their arms or legs and made their way to the pasar malam on their own every week to beg for money.
Surely there must be an inhuman, bastardious group of devils who operates these child-slavery activities and distribute these handicapped children everywhere to collect money for them.
What i wouldn't be even more surprised to know is if these devils are responsible for the loss of the children's abilities.

on another note...

a friend told me today that I need God, that after recomending her to listen to The Fray - You Found Me, cause its so my-kind of song... full of angst and blame at God, lost faith and unanswered questions. (tu-lah sebabnya..lol)
Then she said she have yet to bring me to her church.
I don't know why i find it so funny, not that her intentions were funny...
But how i did try to find my faith back, but He seems furthermore non-existant to me.

life's ironic, kan?

playing on broken strings

2009-02-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again.

But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I loved you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself.
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on
but it hurts too much.
I tried to forgive
but it's not enough
to make it all okay.

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything
that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts...And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough
to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything t
hat your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your
heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts, And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time...It's the last chance to feel again.

too beautiful of a song, addictive and too dangerous to listen to. it digs up burried & old emotions from everyone's soul.

James Morrison... you can cause the world a lot of trouble with this song!

oh, why am i so emotional??? whyyyy???? *dramatic sighs*

Sexy John Legend and scary psycho neighbour

2009-02-17T06:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, HELLO blog.

i've been starring at this blank canvas for a good 15 mins now not knowing what to say.
So i've decided to do some music review.

O M (fecking) Goodness! JOHN LEGEND you're amazing! i'm falling in love!
Charming and sexy and despite the fact that you openly show that you're a womaniser... who wouldn't wanna be womanised by you! *laughs*
You guys have gotta listen to his new song - Everybody knows

I gotta say The Script is really good too, they remind me strongly of Westlife and yes, Irish can sing!
I think this newcomer is definately here to stay for a long time.
Listen to this - "Breakeven"

This song has got a twist done to it, someone on youtube nicely added his translations in german, i think.

On another note, I feel VERY disturbed by my psycho neighbour who stays directly behind my house alone. He has serious mental issues, we hear him talking to himself and making conversations to the walls and invisible cats at the back alley. He can go on for an hour or two repeating the same line to himself over and over again and occasionally would pace back and fourth the window pane and stare at me or my maid doing our house chores.
Recently, i've been getting nightmares of me forgetting to draw the curtains when i change and he's just standing at his window looking at me, naked, without my knowledge. *squirms and covers my naked chest*
The dreams just gets more extreme each time. I dreamt one morning he actually made his way over to my side of the window and I left my windows opened the night before. I think at the same time i was having sleep paralysis, I actually felt him on my bed and i couldn't move or wake up.

Dang, he's disturbing. I need to find a way to get rid of him for real. Any assasin for hire..?

because Dior and Instant Noodles just doesn't go

2009-01-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

Materialism can kill a man (in this case, women are more likely the victims).

This is a word of wisdom, ALL of us should spare a minute or two to read. This was written by Lee Kuan Yew's daughter, Dr. Lee Wai Ling :

In 2008, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: ‘Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is always less painful compared to the private sector.’

Slump time has arrived with a bang.
While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.

Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore, have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.
A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.
A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.
The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.
The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn’t that the root cause of the current crisis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?

I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don’t believe in the supernatural and I don’t think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: ‘Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.’
My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today’s standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.
Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew’s home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.
Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn. We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.
No matter how poor you are in Singapore, the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore.
Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.
Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one’s own labour is one’s prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously.
But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering. After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to?
Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.
When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?
We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice.
In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.
To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.

his name is Chan Toong Por

2009-01-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

My grandpa passed away about 2 years ago. He was 83.
83, that must have mean he lived through time to see how our country came to be as it is now.
So what makes him so special from the other grandparents and people, who died of old age, you may wonder. Well, for starts, he was a National Hero.
And a National Hero, who has rights to the respect of this nation, simply shouldn’t just be forgotten without being acknowledged and respected for his love and contribution towards our country, Malaysia.

His name is Chan Toong Por. He was no great “Pahlawan Negara” unlike Hang Tuah, Dato’ Bahaman, or Mat Kilau, but, he shared one common desire with them.
To defend our land and fight for independence during World War II.
He first joined the army when Malaysia (Tanah Melayu, back then) fell into the hands of the Japanese.

Long before Malaya fell to Japan in 1942, many Chinese Malayans had been hostile to Japan, because of the Second Sino-Japanese War (which began in 1937). Thus, the Malayan People's Anti-Japanese Army (MPAJA) was formed. MPAJA was a group of resistance fighters in Malaya, groomed to fight against the Japanese-occupied Malaya community. They were strongly supported by the British Military Forces who supplied arm goods to them and helped trained small Malayan Guerrilla groups.

Thus, when MPAJA was formed, He became apart of the force, serving as an army and a cook at the same time. His good culinary skills in chinese food came from serving the MPAJA force which were deeply influenced by the Hakka people back then. He told us many stories about how the war began and the cruelty of the Japanese soldiers while they dominated our country. The troop of army that he was in had to conquer Mount. Tahan and hid in the woods before attacking the Japanese soldiers.

One bitter memory that has never left his mind was the time when members of his troops were discovered by the Japanese while hiding in the woods. During their failed-attempt to rescue his team-mates, he remember how they hid behind the woods as they watched helplessly at their fellow members being lined up, blind-folded and shot to death.

The Japanese were not only cruel to the guerrilla armies, but to the innocent lives as well. Villagers were forced to deaths in many cruel ways. He remembers how the Japanese forced families to kill each other and tortured those who did not obey their orders. My grandpa and his troop of armies took these villagers to seek refuge in the caves in Perak (where now, the famous “San Poh Tong” temple is). Many who hid in the caves did not survive the hard life where there was constantly food shortage because the Japanese has dominated most of the goods. He remembered how a woman gave birth to a pair of twins in the caves but failed to keep her babies alive because of the shortage of milk powder supply.

After the Japanese surrendered and left Tanah Melayu, MPAJA soon turned into a Communist Party. My grandpa was one of the few who accepted the compromise by the British colonials where each MPAJA fighter was paid S$350 as demobilization allowance upon the surrender of his weapon. On 1st December 1945 the MPAJA fighters surrendered their weapons and the MPAJA was disbanded. The war has left my grandfather wounded in his left arm. He was shot during one of his missions and because of the lack of medical supplies during the war, the doctors never removed the bullet in his arm. His battle scar remained still, and once in a while he used to let us feel the metal form in his arm, just beneath his skin.

Grandpa was a good man. After the war, he got married to my grandmother and built their lives in Ipoh, Perak. They had 7 children altogether. They worked hand-in-hand, only by selling kuih apom-balik to raise their children and provide them with proper education. His life was never easy. Like the war, it was a constant battle. Much like how our country has struggled to develop and to gain better lifestyles for the nation, he too, together with our nation, built life with his own hands for his family, progressed and developed together with our country. He loved his family so much. He was a loving husband who gave a 100% to his wife until her dying days, a respected father and grandfather, a man with kind eyes and a big heart.

Fighting the Japanese during the World War II was something very heroic and patriotic a man can do to free his country from colonization of the Japanese, to literally fight for the freedom of his country. Now wouldn’t you say, he was a true national hero? He was one of the 13,000 men, who fought side by side serving the MPAJA, who lived on and became part of the nation for 83 years. It’s a shame that he never got to celebrate our country’s 50-years of independence. But yet, its heroes like him that should be celebrated. The true meaning of Merdeka should be contributed to the celebration of heroes like him, and many others who gave us what we freely own now, and forever.

He's my grandfather. More than that, he's the reason that I will always remember my roots, be proud of it and stay grounded, wherever the future may take me. He was my father-figure who gave me my best childhood memories. He's the man in my heart, he's the love i feel and give, he's the warmth of the sun I feel in the morning and so much more.

You'll live through my love and charity for others, Kong Kong.

In Loving Memories,

Chan Toong Por

1924 - 2007

this christmas

2008-12-28T01:11:00.000-08:00

It all came and went too quickly this time! Christmas always brings much joy and heartaches at the same time. One thing i realised, is how everyone would look back at how they spent last year's christmas.

Christmas this year took a pretty funny turn. Instead of joining my family for dinner this year, I was invited to join in to a warm and beautiful dinner with a new group of friends. The amazing part was how traditional the dinner was, complete with a turkey, table set-up with warm ambience and candles, wine, and potato salad and pasta contributed by yours truly. The people were really warm and we just all got along pretty finely.

my fav. picture of the night,

Keith & Amy cupcaking each other..aww!

And my company had a Christmas lunch 2 days before, which was also really good. Everyone was in a cheery mood that day and really dressed up for the occasion. There was an array of good food, turkey as well and gifts exchange between colleagues.. which was the highlight for the day as pecky and nosy chinese colleagues are always curious about what others got in exchange and who are the cheapskate givers...honestly!

The highlight of my Christmas would have to be the much anticipated visit to the Children's Orphanage home yesterday. I am so thankful for a friend like Andy (you're a star! the one sitting on the top of the christmas tree!). He pulled it out for me last minute by bringing more friends to join us for the visit. If not for him, this visit wouldn't have been succesful and I would have been crazy exhausted by the kids! Thanks to everyone who came, and for your patience when finding our way there! thanks to the nice and helpful Cheras Policemen!

Andy & Shaun warming up to each other almost instantly!

the ever cute and naughty little Eric

It was a success! Its a promise and a start for more to come!
(This time we'll be more organised and we'll make certain that these smart kids will go "OOO-AHHH" over our magic tricks!)

It was pretty sad and pretty joyous for me at the same time. sad that friends i've known for a decade would rather spend christmas anywhere else they get invited to, than to be enthusiastic about an old friend's offer to cook and be together for chirstmas. more like a back-up plan for them i guess, in case they've got nothing else on for the night.
Also pretty sad, was visiting the children in the orphanage for chirstmas. The fact that they will have to grow up on the hard fact that their parents abandoned them or that they're on their own really saddens me.

But then, why dwell in the misery when there is so much to celebrate about in life!
I had 3 consecutive days of baking cupcakes and cooking dinner for 8! poooh.. i think i made at least 55 cupcakes in record. Soon I'll be eligible to compete for Iron Chef. I really had fun shopping for the gifts and for the christmas dinner.. it was all so exciting.

I didn't get another Guess bag or a branded gift this year, but instead, i got some thoughtful little cute gifts from my colleagues and hugs from the darling children.

and gave out even more than I received.

...It's all about giving, isn't it? I truly believe thats more important.

So , till next year let me leave you with my favourite CHRIStmas song this year,
CHRIS brown - This Christmas.

Merry Blessed Christmas and a Happy Nu Year!

sing it one last time for me.

2008-12-27T07:01:00.001-08:00

The familiar melodic lullaby tune of Snow Patrol's Run has long been overplayed and abusing my mp3 for at least a year and a half now. Needless to say, it's one of my favourites and a well written song. Everything from the solemn meaning of the of the lyrics and the depth of the vocalist voice relates.
The lyrics almost relates to breaking up with someone you were never with...

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Couldn't believe my ears when i heard Leona Lewis do her rendition of Run

i love both versions. They bring the same depth and soul to the song.
I think if they both did a collaboration it'd be an even more perfect song.

New found love

2008-12-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

...His name is Reese.
i can never get enough of him, i love him to bits and pieces!

...and he gives me orgasms.

Well, food orgasms, literally.
He's a pack of candy covered peanut-butter.
and he's H.E.A.V.E.N.L.Y!
i squirmed when i saw this lying on the shelf at Giant's supermarket.

i can't believe they produce such things!
This is bliss & joy for the migraine sufferers who can't eat chocolates !

what was beautiful

2008-11-29T10:43:00.000-08:00

" I will never ever have someone like you, who always believe in me, who always have unique thoughts about what i do and who i am..

..it will be you, you alone"

the weekend

2008-11-28T06:56:00.000-08:00

Weekend is here again! I've never been so excited about my weekends til i started work!
Last weekend..*sighs* was lost to my weak back. Thus, I'm really looking forward to catching up for the time lost and do so many things!! The fun part is... I GOT MY SECOND PAYCHECK! (which means...shopping and indulging!)

I don't even know where to start so i'm making a list!

1. Give my Rocky boy a bath

2. Trim my Soh Chichi's fur shorter cause its all getting tangled-up. Its a freaky crazy RM80 to get her a hair-cut! we don't even pay that much for our own hair.

3. Go to Maybank and inquire about the Graduate Banking plan, which entitles me to a CREDIT CARD! and lots of installment plans for 0% interest!

4. Go to Bangsar and thread my eyebrows & have lunch with Khalid (the date guy)

5. SHOPPING! I need a new blusher and lip balm. Destination : Guardian Pharmacy. why? can collect Paddington Bear points, heehee!

6. Make a long-distance call to Donny to find out if he's dead. Digi is amazingly cheap. it has IDD installed into the system!

7. Experiment baking muffins & cupcakes.

8. Start off Dream, Dream, Dream, (my latest blog project where I will be posting up random things i handmade with much passion for sale. COMING SOON!)

9. And planning to end a full-filling weekend off on Sunday night sitting down for ice-cream with Jasmine dearest!!

YUMM!!

So much to do! So little time! lets see how much i can accomplish by sunday.

emotionally and physically, paralyzed.

2008-11-23T06:47:00.000-08:00

I laid there and thought about how it'd be to spend the rest of my life on a wheelchair. But, a wheelchair right now would definately come in handy! At least i could wheez myself to the kitchen and fix myself some food.

That was 3 hours after I sprained my back in the shower.

You know how your bones can be pretty stiff in the morning..? Thats how it all happened. The pain almost gave me a black-out as i made my way back to my room. So I laid still on my bed, unable to move an inch while my wet hair drenched my pillow.

It was the most dreadful feeling, what was s'ppose to be a fullfilling and entertaining saturday turned out to be a painful and disappointing day. It wasted all my weekend plans away. The dinner and shisha, the surprise party i was suppose to be at, and the facebook party after. The night was well-planned and intended to last till dawn.

My back hurt like hell and i was hungry and thirsty and in my worst shape.

I ate 3 cubes of Toblerone white chocolateI found left in my room. Toblerone never tasted better, or maybe it was the endorphins.

It took me till 5.30pm to finally be able to sit up, get dressed (yes, i was practially naked all day), 6pm to make it to my room's door, and 7pm to finally make it downstairs. I never knew how strenuous it could be to walk down the stairs.

But nothing really beat the disappointing response i got from asking my younger brother for a simple act of kindness/sympathy...or rather, love. He simply refused me when i asked him if he could bring me any food from downstairs by telling me to go downstairs myself and get my own food. And added that there was nothing to eat.

Really. My heart was shattered. my own brother, as idiotic as nothing in this world I've ever come across.

I didn't need to say anything more to him. My mind just started to flash back to all those times when we were growing up, how I cared when he was ill, and how i stood up for him whenever my elder brother or father would tease or scold him. Even recently when he fell ill, i asked if he wanted to eat and worried if he drank enough. I sat there, teary-eyed from the disappointment as i stuffed a bun in my mouth (one i took much effort to take from the kitchen) and swallowed the sob in my throat.

He's just added to the list of reasons to convince myself why I should never be nice and

favourable to everyone. In my desperate calls for help, I've seen how people i cared about and love could turn their backs on me.

Adding to the disappointment was how my weekend plans were all wasted away thanks to a simple wrong move in the shower...reaching down to scrub my legs.

The worst disappointment, however, was finding an email lying there in my junk mailbox saying that I've been invited to the exclusive FREEDOM party on saturday with free flow of liquor and Heineken Beers, a day after the party.

Dammn!

to sum my great weekend up, my mother just embarrased me in front of a convenient stall cashier by telling me that i am useless...all this for only being able to afford a minumum phone credit of RM10.

...i'm never going to be good enough for her, am I?

Don't Forget Me

2008-11-14T07:59:00.000-08:00

There’s just one thing that I need to say
Before I close my eyes and walk away
There’s just one thing that I need to feel
Before I walk away against my will

There’s just one thing that I need to hear
Before I walk away for the last time
There’s just one thing that I need to see
Before I take this chance and set us free

Don’t forget me
Don’t regret me
Don’t suspend me
Don’t neglect me

Summertime in the park

2008-11-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

I've been spending lots of time alone lately. Its great being alone at times, its gives me a self-discovering state of mind to discover the simple things in life and just listen to silence. There's no need for socialism or having to give your thoughts or opinions about things people say.

Recently i was assigned to go to KLCC for 2 dreadful days of shop attachments. so i thought to make it interesting since i don't come to KL that much.
Watched a movie alone for the first time.
Way easier to pass 8 hours by watching a movie so i thought, hell, why not.

And hell, why not a horror flick? I convinced myself that i've grown out of that childish fear of watching horror flicks... Needless to say, i have not. I hid behind my shawl half the time and couldn't help letting a few screams escape. The storyline of The Coffin was about how people wanted to rid themselves off their past karma by lying in a coffin for a thai ritual but soon found themselves being haunted by their past and the ones they love will eventually pay for their wrong-doings...

"You can never rid your karma of, but transfer them to your beloved ones if you try.."

The cost of living in KL is definately hiGH.

This plate of "economy" rice from the KLCC Food Court costed me RM11.50!

so much for being economical.

Went out to the park for a stroll the day after. The weather looked warm and inviting and it looks like a well manicured park, one in the very centre of the city for people to just sit on the ground and spread across the grass.

And so, for 3 hours, i felt like i was itransported to an american/english park in some campus where students just hang and sit around on the grass.

Found a pretty drinking fountain in the park!

romantic & economical way to date?

*coughs* pardon mua, a very vain moment here.

Bag of cinnamon apple chips, H2O and a book. enough for a solo picnic!

and there i was...reading away..

Untill...

I realised I was being watched.

Yep, it freaked me when one after another guy came and sat in front of my view trying to get my attention. One of them was a Pakistani lone tourist who was trying to read the title of my book from afar and gathered up a very lame pick-up line by asking me if those kids in the park were school-kids. (DUHH!)

He asked me if i knew of any place he could get hired here as an english teacher, but he doesn't even know bahasa to be able to teach malaysian kids english! And he's got a horrible sense of....grammar.

anyway, we had a brief conversation and i excused myself shortly when he started telling me how lonely and relationship-deprived he is. =S

hilarous.

It was a good experience all in. Not much time for me to do such things now that i am working full-time as an ASS-sistant.

yuurrgh!

..about time!

2008-10-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

So i was sitting down watching tv on a late sunday afternoon after spending the weekend with the girls for karen's birthday. It was a good weekend, to be with the friends i've grown up with and just being around each other, without the need to do much. Its been a depressing first week of work for me, so i was really looking forward to the weekend. I guess from now on, i will make full use of my weekends. Work itself isn't depressing, but changes are. The changes in our lives as we grow, and the new patterns and routines that we will have to somehow adjust ourselves to within time. I miss my college and school days more than ever. Its those care-free times when you actually had a life, you see the sun more often and never have to answer to anyone..aka be your own boss.

Karen's about the last one amongst us to finally be 21, and already, she's thinking about marriage and having 4 babies. Well, i guess this is the typical life, to graduate, have a steady career, get married and settle down for a family. Personally, her thoughts for her future scares me.
"God says, be fruitful and multiply" Karen says. =S
Well, Happy Birthday Karen. May your wishes come true..

I hope i'll love my new job. The work, the group of colleagues and the whole working environment in Padini Authentics is so different from of Cosmopolitan. I kinda miss the shopping job that came with the freebies and shopping priviliges and the warm and small team of cosmo people.. especially kak Nida. I hope the bloody old graphic designer spinster isn't giving her any hard time. I guess its kinda like missing my safety net, missing the cosmo job because i have gotten accustomed to the environment and job...and the comfortable office space..although i used to say it was quite a cube farm. lol.
But staying in my safety net wouldn't earn me any further knowledge. Thus, I'm telling myself to pull up my confidence and not be afraid to learn and try new things.
My new bunch of colleagues are much younger and actively working as a team as cosmo's, i like how they made me feel comfortable by offering themselves to answering my questions if i had any. The senior graphic designer here is definately a turn over from the one in Cosmo! He actually moved from his workspace to come sit next to me and work just so he could assist and teach me as i work on the graphics. I gotta admire him for his patience! heehee.

I guess i've had enough of wallowing up at home for the past 2 months growing moss in my head.
I've had a comfortably good time to rest my mind and recover from a mild depression, deal with certain issues and move along. Enough of self-pity and enough of wasting time.
Life just gets better. :)

Talking about that, it already has because as i was watching tv this late Sunday afternoon...someone asked me out for a date, a random someone. Maybe i have just never been properly asked out on a date, but his boldness really surprised me.

"I was going through my inbox, i found your old messages about our friend playing pranks on us. So, what are you up to lately, Laura? Me i've decided to just walk to bangsar and have a drink. If you have a lazy sunday like me and still at home, why not join me? P.s. I'm more direct when it comes to asking a woman out"

It wasn't the fact that i got asked out on a date, but more like the feeling of having my self- confidence and esteem going in the up direction again, instead of down.

...maybe i have just never experienced being asked out on a first date.

...but about time!

lets just hope he's not another Mr. Almighty, vain-pot, metrosexual muscle man who took me to dinner at burger's king, ordered and paid for himself!

Old-fashion Tickle

2008-09-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

Presenting...

Laura Chen in...

Class of 1960

In those times back in the 60's, I had to shock myself once every morning by throwing the hair dryer into my bath tub to acheive this Toasted hair-trend back then. You know in those times, we weren't properly taught on how to use electrical appliances and there wasn't such thing as a manual booklet that came along with it.

Class of 1980

Retro Chic Lola *doing the dance*

Apparently...too many electric shocks spoils the hair. So by the time it was the 80's, my hair was completely toasted into a fur-ball.

Class of 2000

Following the years, hair technology became more advanced and there were such things called re-bonding, hair masks, colouring, bleaching and of course, such 'A' thing called the manual booklet.

and people began to understand the proper usage of electrical appliances.

But there was also such thing called a WIG.

which i had to succumb to using unfortunately. By the year 2000, my toasted hair has completely fallen off to the last of its many (toasted) strands.

Lesson learnt here : Read the instructions before using any electrical appliances. And in case your electrical appliances don't come with a manual booklet, don't be a smarty ass hippy.

Fashion and trends are hazardous. lol.

and mummy had a little fun too...

*giggles*

love.

2008-09-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

cupcakes, all things pink, little ribbon bows, teddy bears & stickers, candies & chocolates.
A world of a little girl? well...not really. I happen to still live in that world.

There are few people who still pampers me and treat me like a little baby girl, despite the fact that i am already 21! Its funny and loveable the things they do to crack me up and pamper me sometimes.

Just like my Uncle Kok Foo whom i affectionally call "Kok Foo Papa" and my Auntie Ying..they're the perfect duo for making me laugh. Infact, my family believes that I inherited my laughter from my auntie. we'd both laugh till our eyes are lost in our faces...now you know where the infectious laughter came from!
Whenever I see Uncle Kok Foo, he loves to hide his fake tooth behind his mouth and make a funy face, that always cracks me up and makes me laugh silly.
He'd tease my auntie for her little yawning habits and make fun of her, or do a sommersault on the stool just to make me laugh out loud.
what did i tell you?

Aunty Ying, she buys me a bar of mentos candy whenever she comes up to visit. She's still as protective as when i was a little girl, never lets me out of her sight, makes sure i am well fed by insisting that i eat...and she'd ask me if i wanted to eat everything/anything thats in the refridgerator!
The last time they came up to KL, they stuffed my coin box in the car with RM1 notes so that i'll have spares when i am out of money to pay for the toll. (that actually happened to me before.. i was so tired i forgot to stop by the ATM on the way home and had no money to pay the toll attendant!)

When i was little, my grampa used to tickle me silly by sitting still and letting me groom him into a beautiful bride complete with a bath towel for a veil! i remember using Agnesia powder to dust his face!
Day before he slipped into his passing, he was happily talking to me about my love for dogs and said that he'd leave aside money for me to own a puppy. I still feel so touched by his understanding of my love for dogs... i miss his butterfly kisses..

Uncle Steven... yes, i love this uncle! because he always comes back from his business trips with everything strawberry, candies, limited edition Kit-kats, and little gifts for me. Sometimes though, he must think i am still the childish girl who loves hello kitty items and Pooh watches..but i adore him for pampering me! He still chases me around trying to bite me whenever we're back in our hometown.

My mum said to me once... i'll always be a 12 year old to her.. sheeesh..
She would still buy me the babiest things! She recently bought me a whole collection of Minnie Mouse cushion covers for my car (though, i was quite reluctant to put them up). I gave her a fake wide grin and nodded when she asked if i loved the minnie mouse collection!

..how could i say otherwise..?
look at dad's childish grin!

Recently, she came back from the market and bought me 3 cartoon mooncakes better known as "Chee Chai Peng" (little pigs biscuit). Those were the things I've adored since i was a little girl!! They were in the shape of a doraemon, hello kitty and some other cute cartoon i don't know of. I ate them whilst giggling to myself as if i was still a little girl! heehee...

She buys me little things such as starbucks lollipop, lanterns, little hair clips and little cakes every now and then. cute, innitt? this mummy of mine!

She told everyone at dinner the other day that she thinks i might be one of those spastic people who suffers from slow mentality growth...meaning i'm a 21 year old who has a mentality of a 5 year old. geeeez, mommy!

That was after witnessing how my elder brother was teasing me and i was being all childish and playing with him.
Oh, did i mention how my elder brother, too, still treats me like his baby sister from time to time? *laughs* Sometimes he'd immitate my voice and repeat what i said...annoying!

Other times, he'd play silly games with me and lie to me about silly things which i happen to believe innocently.

The part that really cracks me up is how my manja-ness can always get me almost anything from him. After a few times of persisting ("korr".."korrr"...after a few seconds..."koorr"...) he would eventually let go of the grin he tried so hard to hide behind his face and say okay.

While some of their intentions may be quite embarrasing for me at this age (like getting laughed at for the minnie mouse cushion covers, and getting teased over my baby voice!), all of them however were simple acts of love and affection that really builds up for all the unhappy thoughts and negativities.
I am not ashamed of it..I know i'm still child at heart, and i think i would still be throughout the decades! Can't be helped. Why so serious with life anyway? there's a little girl in me that would always stay young in her own world built up by these loving people.

And these people will be the very ones who would always remind me of my roots and where i come from. They would watch me grow and yet keep me grounded.

(you can stop "aww-ing" now. :P)

typical, but finally.

2008-09-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

I'm missing you this morning, like every other morning that i do, or every other afternoon, last night and every other minute or so.

I smiled at the message where you said,
"I realised after we met that day that all i need is faith and control. I can't explain how, but you gave me both."

I wonder if you still hang on to what i've given to you.

There was the time when you told my friends,
"I have to go, tell laura i love her"
I felt like being in a laura & tommy scene in the song.

I remember how you held me so close to you, the times when you asked me if i really had to leave, and how you'd divert my attention somewhere else to make me stay a little longer. Or the time we talked on the porch till the sun went down.

I always loved how your eyes pierced into mine, and how you'd pet my head and kiss me after every hug.

I ask myself if i could still love you or am i just merely loving the person in my memories. i hardly know you now, the person i have not known for months.

Someone told me you've found someone new. I couldn't imagine the thought of you holding another's hand and hugging her. I couldn't think about how your eyes would pierce into hers, instead of mine.

I wonder what you would be talking and sharing with her right now, and if she understood you like i did.

I saw you the other day, i hated myself for not having the courage to go up to you and say hi.
The brief moment that our eyes met felt estranged to me. I felt like i was looking at something familiar yet now, they belong to a stranger i do not know of.

It couldn't have been almost a year that I've ached and teared. I couldn't have been a fool to be doing so. Now i finally see, you've really moved on and left me behind.

Those times and memories we've had, i was foolish enough not to see that they meant nothing to you, you took me nothing more than a replacement for the emptiness and loneliness you felt.
You kissed, hugged, held hands with and loved me as if i was her.. but you treated me nothing like you treated her. And i never saw that i wasn't the only one.

I am glad you've moved on. Now i feel not the need to end where we left, no needs to confess and no means to worry if i would regret anything at all.

I know i have to get rid of these traces of you in my life, and in time i will erase them all. the times i've lost to missing you, i would gain back by making the best out of it, the 10kg's that i've gained because of you would be shed, and where once i thought that nobody could ever hug me like you did, i would be embracing someone else, i bet they'd be 10 times better in that.

You had me, you took my faith, you had me believing in you, you took my love and affection and had me believing you were so much.

But you've taught me so much. and so much only. I am going to try leaving these memories behind, finally.

In this stillness

2008-07-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

In this stillness,
As the last bird takes flight from the dark sky
I lay my head down
on the shoulders of a
heavy heart.

In this stillness,
I question
where and when does peace prevails?
When will the wind calm the rustle of the falling autumn leaves?
I lay my head down and down again.

When i awake
from this stillness
A reality of a thousand thorns and serpants
threatens to pierce through this bare and open heart.
A silver thorn and a bloody rose
lies crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

I lay my head down
In this stillness.
Yet in this stillness,
This bird could not take flight from her darkness.

doggysitters

2008-04-06T03:45:00.000-07:00

men's best friends..

reminds me of the time when Benji picked up a shoe to play and Rocky, much older BUT smaller than Benji, snatched it from him with a grump and put it back down.
Adorable, innit?

Shimmer by Fuel

2008-03-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

One of the best alternatives i've heard.

all that shimmers is sure to fade away, again

her biological age and her imaginary youth

2008-03-03T02:54:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon this sms-text conversation that my mum and I exchanged on planning a trip to the gynocologist. I still laugh out loud to myself, unfailingly, everytime I read it.

MUM : So when are you free to make an appointment with Dr. Premi? I'll book us for this Wednesday ok.

ME : Oh, I can't this week mum.It's that time of the month. I've just got my period. Next week?

MUM : Oops.. I forgot. I've also got period. So next week!

ME : What do you mean you've also got period? You're menopausal. Don't be crazy.

MUM : Why must you say like that? My biological age is only thirty lo. You are very mean and never change! Dirty stinky bitch. Never know how to take care of your own room! Hehe

I was shocked and humoured at the same time.

She's experiencing imaginary periods
Thinks herself 20 years younger
And experiencing imaginary periods only means imaginary pre-menstrual-syndrome;mood swings.

Notice how she added a 'Hehe' after the 'dirty stinky bitch'?

Aiyoh, mummy!

dear teddy bear

2008-02-22T23:51:00.000-08:00

Its been a while.
I am sorry about the things I said to you
I didn't mean my goodbye & take care.
It took time for me to understand what's on your mind
You are a poem
of whom depth is measured by time.
Not selfish.
Never were.
Just too caught up and entwined at times to give back.
I want so much to put words in your mind and make you see
what you've given and taught me along the way
But you were too busy feeling guilty about not giving back.
You gave me your warnings
You saw it coming
Yet, my faith in you remains, still.
Even now, after all the tide
I find myself drowned
In thoughts and memories
of the good and the sweet times
The heartbreaking and rough times.
In giving me your affection, you always are
selfless.
I've come to know that side of you.
I'm missing you, teddy bear.
I wish you knew.

ever the same

2007-12-28T06:39:00.000-08:00

We were drawn from the weeds,
we were brave like soldiers falling down under the pale moonlight.
You were holding to me like a someone broken, I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now.

We would stand in the wind,
we were free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun.
Now it's cold and we're scared, and we've both been shaken.
Hey, look at us...this doesn't need to be the end..

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart,
just let me hold you and we'll both fall down.

You may need me there to carry all your weight,
but you're no burden, I assure.
You tide me over with a warmth I will not forget,
but I can only give you love.

Fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be,
forever with you, forever in me.. ever the same
Call on me, I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me,
forever its you, forever in me.. ever the same.

Food face!

2007-12-16T01:03:00.000-08:00

Introducing...
The Cupcake Monsters
chapter #1!

Once upon a time, there lived Hansel & Gratel in their wonderful land of cupcakes!

And in the deep forest, lived 2 cupcake MONSTERS who lived with the purpose to eat, indulge and destroy those lovely cupcakes!!!

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE MONSTERS??? BEWARE! THEY ARE HIGHLY...HUNGRY.

and so...poor Hansel & Gratel lost their wonderful cupcake land to these hungry monsters..

nyam! nyam!!

The End..!

Which ?

2007-12-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

So, i started my first day of internship, working for Cosmopolitan Magazine malaysia.
Working for a fashion magazine? DREAM JOB!

yeah, till i found out that its actually in malay.
then again...my bahasa still rocks... (who was i kidding?!?! it went down the drain 3 years ago!)

So i took the job as a challenge. faked a little when being asked "what made you pick up cosmopolitan as your choice of magazine?" .....i just picked up my first copy last night.

Got to work early...sat at the reception for about half an hour...met two of the editors. they asked me to sit on a polka-dot fur stool, do whatever i want, flip through the enormous amount of magazines on the table or surf the internet if i wanted to.honestly...i cringed at the sight of the stool. It looked like one of those toys they bought for their cats.
Yeah, i was pretty out of place, i didn't come to surf the net or sit on a fancy stool!

One of the editors who had an enormous Louis Vuitton blanket draped on her head told me
"I'm not in the mood today.I'm having a bad day" and handed me 10 sheets of survey...expected me to get 10 of my boy friends to fill it up and pass it back to her by friday. i told her "okay.." and she said..."no, not okay. must be done by this friday." *yikes*
i don't even have any more than 5 male-friends, PMS-lady.
Later on, from the other corner of the very-secluded office...i heard her laughing her lungs out with her other 2 colleagues who just happen to arrive.

And as any new interns would have faced it before...they had a ball of a time, made me stand infront of all 4 of them malay ladies in their mid 30's...while they "introduced" themselves, made fun of this newbie, and laughed even harder when my cheeks betrayed me and turned pink.

The only thing i find comforting was the fact that the fashion co-ordinator is in fact a newbie too, who happens to have just started work 3 days ago. Nothing like having a clueless-partner with me! *laughs*

I'm hoping this 8 weeks will be great. It all starts with self-determination. I'm not gonna sit around a cat stool and wait for instructions...
I say, plunge my head into it and make full use of these 8 weeks!

So...here's the poll...

Which am i?

Clueless-about-fashion Andy Sachs from The Devil Wears Prada

Charming, witty and ambitious Andi Anderson from How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days

or...

Freckled-face, brave and best-at-what-she-does Betty... from Ugly Betty?

lol...ladies and gentlemen...cast your votes now!

Christmas

2007-12-04T05:44:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year again.
Oh yeah. 3 days of continuous food and drinks...
Shopping and carolling...
Mistletoes and snow...
all things green and red..
christmas.

I love christmas.but its sad to know that this celebration has since been too over-rated and has eventually became too emotional for some people..
people who stays away from family reuinons for the fear of being made fun of and all that childdish jokes that brings total embarrasment...families do that.
they find something that totally pisses you off to talk about, finds it amusing and hilarious to bring it up over and over again, makes every one of the family member crack up at it and leaves you feeling like you should just dig a hole and bury your head in the backyard.
The worst part is...not being able to stand up to it or show how pissed off you are, cuz they'll just end up thinking you're a pussy who can't handle jokes.

Yeah, i am one of those poor souls who are constantly being joked about, laughed at, thrown around and treated like i'm still a two year old child.
I honestly do not blame those who stopped believing in christmas altogether.
I think those who stopped believing in christmas was once someone who believed that christmas is filled with love.
and they stopped believing, because they didn't feel loved, but a sense of disapointment and being let-down.

I still do believe in christmas.
Growing up, there were pretty few times that i ended up bursting in tears during christmas.
Never-theless, I had a pretty good one last christmas...warm dinner with friends and family, a hug from someone special, pretty presents. its pretty amazing. its not like i always get to feel so loved all year round!

I do believe, so, that its all about giving and loving those in need of it, those who does not share as much priviliges as we do, and choosing the right company to celebrate with, people that loves you for who you are (not pecky-mouthed family members) and people who would offer warm hugs and kisses for you *dreams*

My fav. x'mas movie has to be The Grinch who Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss.
its about a poor ole' grinch who hates christmas and isolated himself from everyone else.
And cute lil' Cindy Lou Who who believed in him. (o^-^o)
Its theme song is pretty emotional.
...can't help being emo, can i?

ignorance is bliss

2007-11-30T21:25:00.000-08:00

sometimes, reality is unbearable.
sometimes, the only thing we can do is turn away from the rest of the world.

reminisce the memories that we hold tightly on to..
unchanged within time.

if there is one thing that time cannot change, its memories.

Door 19

2007-11-26T09:11:00.000-08:00

I wrote this about a year ago.
Its a short note about one's self-reflection against the world, about seeking answers, death, suicide and giving in to defeat.
Perhaps you'd like to tell me what you think its about.

I’ve been searching,
Running,
Trying to unlock doors after doors.
I'm running out of breath...
I've been looking into the mirror
In my search for affection,
I saw only my own reflection
A worthless face…
My tattooed heart.
The flight for freedom
Broke the wings
Sore the soaring spirit.
I’m sewn together
But so broken up inside.
I see no sunshine from the rainbow
But I recognized the rain.
No, I don't cry on the outside anymore
But bleed from the inside.
I hang my frameless soul on a nameless wall
And gave my ghost away.
The roundabout of life
Circles on
Around the grave
I lay when I fall.
I can’t defend
I can’t defeat
My sanity
I’ve lost because I’m tired.
Open that door for me now
Let this broken spirit enter within.

This is me

2007-11-25T09:13:00.000-08:00

This is a diary of me.

Laura.
A banana (which means i'm chinese on the outside and caucasian on the inside), city girl, and a Dreamer...

This is my boy, Rocky

he shares my world and grows up & old with me.
Average girl who spends most of her time dreaming and being in her own world.
Not so average if you knew what's goin on in my mind, though.
Apparently, i'm a psychotic chic
I have O.C.D (obsessive compulsive disorder). I tend to believe that left is good and right is evil...
Yeap, i'm a weirdo.
I frequently wish i would never grow up.
Also known to show signs of second-child syndrome.

Am a child of the 90's...loves 80's and 90's music, dreams of love and romance, but have never really been anywhere near.
I'm not good at expressing myself with words, but i love art. its one way a person can express their emotions and feelings that words cannot understand. I'm a poet who makes lame rhymes.

I dream of weird things. dream of sacrificing my friends (haah!), of skinny mummies who are timid and afraid of humans and...
I dreamt my dear friend, Amanda was a vampire. lol.
(don't be perasan manda, just cause your picture is here)
Maybe she does looks like one. teehee!

I believe in many things, sometimes i believe i don't believe either.
I have faith. but it is constantly being questioned.
DO I BELIVE IN GOD? yeah. WHO IS GOD? .....no idea.
but i believe what John Lennon said.

I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong - John Lennon-
R.I.P love!

I believe in love. and saving the world! woohoo..!
take my word for it, i would save the world one day!
I'll be a hippie who believes in love and peace and spread the lovee and hug everyone!!! minus the part of being high and smoking weed most of the time, of course.

????? ? naaaah.....

this is more like it... full of sunshine and rainbows!
Make the world insane and paint the world pink!

I'm pretty emo and emotional (apparently, being emo and emotional is two different things)
I have low-self esteem.
physically, a chub whose got many imperfections.
I tend to hide behind make-ups and pretty things.
Maybe i grew up in bits and pieces of a puzzle.
Nothing is perfect. you see beauty when you see imperfections!
But i am amazingly confident in some ways. I stand firm in my rights and my beliefs.
I hate egotism and being taken for granted.
I have little friends.. I'm a loner most of the time.
I keep my circle of friends small and love each one truly.
I laugh pretty LOUDLY. which is pretty embarassing, but i don't give a damn.
and i love food !

And...this is my blog, a picture of my world and everything in between.